Oh, how this resonates with me as of late. The journey, the exploration, the deep-dive into my psyche and world has shown me -- yet again -- how very little I know. And what a liberating space that is.
Case in point, I've recently discovered that I've been lying to every single person I know. Yep. It's true. Liar. Me. Pinocchio. Yes, I've been living (and lying) my life through the filter of a girl raised in small-town Minnesota who knows how to keep the peace. A girl who has been taught to keep a smile on her face. A girl who has learned that to be accepted or approved of, she best keep her feelings/real emotions to herself. And in doing so? Said feelings and real emotions burst out in very odd moments and situations. And it ain't pretty.
Through this metamorphosis, I've noticed how often throughout my life that I've bitten my tongue, suppressed a thought or hid a true emotion. And why? Out of a deep-seated fear that it is wrong. That I am wrong. That I am not expressing the "right" feeling or thought and -- good glory above -- if I put it out there and someone opposes or negates it? I crumble like a week-old scone from this lovely coffee shop where I sit and write ...
So: who to blame? My parents? Old boyfriends? Domineering personalities? NOPE. None of the above. As I keep learning, there is no need for "approval" or "acceptance" in this world (this is a facade much like reality itself) and the only one to blame is, you got it, little old me... Or: after all this time, when I've "not been heard" or "been bullied" or "told how to feel" or "passed over" or "yelled at" it's only because my communication partner was acting in the very way I taught them to treat me.
Golly gee ain't life fun.
hey all! how are you?? things are moving here... let's see: since i've last written:
2) endured a silly, stupid cold upon returning and nursed myself back to health (with soup and love from the fella, of course)
3) visited my wonderful grandmother and aunt and played out our version of 'clean sweep' (wow, 85 years on this planet translates into a lot of STUFF)
4) been working like mad on a secret project, as well trucking along on 14 or so more-visible ideas
5) finished a round of tennis lessons with my sister
6) attended the recent Solutions Twin Cities event. daaaaammmnnn.
8) sang with the band.
9) dressed up as 'fabulous' for halloween this weekend. and i was.
10) watched the vikings lose in person and the red sox win from afar.
11) realized i don't know it all, i am learning everyday and the least suspecting person can surprise the hell out of you in the blink of an eye.
Just read this today:
In the Milky Way galaxy alone, there are a trillion stars for each person on earth.
Here's a trillion sparkly-goodies for you... Here's a trillion possibilities for you... Here's a trillion wonderful wonders for you...
just in from california. conference. rockin' time. lots-o-fun. it was the graphing social patterns gig -- two days fully dedicated to facebook and all its glory, smack dab in the middle of silicon valley. met some cool dudes (and i say dudes because, yes, it was mainly dudes), learned a lot + came back full of even more ideas than i left with. now? tired, excited, energized, exhausted ... and completely ready to bring frank to the world in a new, super-cool way.
(join facebook here if you're not on yet ... we can be friends + become incredibly important to one another :)
(yes, it's another one from hugh)
wow. just returned from an incredible workshop this last weekend. above the line living. all based on ideas present in david hawkins' work, the universe, the collective consciousness and beyond. incredible learnings, rich understanding and beautiful insight. all which got me closer to my divine spirit and my very own, freakin' awesome individuality. the best part? owning all parts of my being -- the oogie stuff included. this, i repeat, THIS has never happened for me with any training/learning/reading i've ever done before. and the even better-best part? i now know what to do with it all. again: wow.
(as as side note -- and a bit of disclosure -- frank and ATL are bartering for services ... we're building their website, they're leading us on spiritual journeys ;) the site will be up soon ... i'll keep you posted ... there will be exercises and cool podcasts to download if you'd like to take a sneak peek into their theories...)
"Truth is an energy, not a personal opinion; it cannnot be reached with two concepts struggling against each other to be "right." The energy of Truth is accessed through two people who are being open to each other's ideas and wanting to find Truth together."
-p. 386, North Node in Saggittarius, Astrology for the Soul
wow. what a great couple weeks. so many wonderful things and people and ideas have been appearing... it's truly a feeling of living my path ... one that is confirming my belief of really being a student of the universe -- one who really "practices" life. so fun.
with that, my friends + i at frank have been playing with a new model ... an idea to push conversations further along, a way to remove ego from a topic and/or debate and allow for real transformation to occur. we're calling this the 'conversation widget' or 'possibility widget.' a brilliant friend/colleague of ours has been called upon to animate/develop/program this ... but in the meantime, you know me, i love to put it out there to get it into the collective consciousness, help make it a part of our wonderful, gigantic, ever-expanding universe ...
the idea? conversations are a rolling, evolving experience involving two or more people ... the challenge? oftentimes each side is so bent on sharing their own idea that the other idea or side cannot/will not be heard ... the issue? how does change actually occur if each side is convinced of their 'rightness' OR how can we come together as a people if we're so determined to keep certain groups apart or confined or judged as one way or another?
growing on a recent post that looked at an idea of ascended balance, and a deeper dive into a realm of leadership and vision, the model could look like this. [the outside/blue is an idea of expansion, the inside/red is an idea of restriction ... the idea in the model is you start with an emotional trigger, move to your belief, have a conversation, get your options ... and the kicker? all of this occurs with a choice: you choose to live/exist in a space of expansion or restriction.] OR: as The Eagles once noted -- yes, i said The Eagles: "So oftentimes it happens that we live our lives in chains ... And we never even know we have the key."